As a feminist is it ok to still want Prince Charming?

I advocate and support the rights and equality of women. I believe than there has been progress but not enough and not equally around the globe. It drives me crazy that us women in 2015, still need to fight for sometimes basic rights.

But then call me crazy, but I like when a guy opens a door for me, takes me out and pays for the bill and doesn't ask me to split it! Then, I like to "serve" my guy...so cooking for him, putting food in his plate and serve it to him at the dinner table. On the same subject I also like when a guy cooks for me and serves me. I also believe I don't need a man to "take care of me"...or provide for me. I'm a professional independent woman, so I can take care of myself. But then I believe in sharing costs of living together and I too believe that it should be in proportion of each others's salary so it's fair. And so on...

So then the question is what is the right "balance", in all these expectations, needs or beliefs?

I can understand guys who get easily confused as they get all these paradoxical signs from us. But hey, we women are complex, full of contradictions, depending on how we were raised, if we were influenced by any religious beliefs and our overall experiences. Definitely when it comes to guys, love and relationships, we were way too much influenced by all the Disney princesses and stories of Prince Charming coming to our rescue! Rescue of what...I still don't get it but I still like the idea of Prince Charming.

One thing though for sure that makes us different than guys is that we have this 6th sense, when it comes to emotions, caring, loving, giving, sharing. Is it because we bare children and give life? Probably. Bringing a child into this world in my opinion, is still the most amazing experience one can live and unfortunately guys can't do that...not yet, who knows in the future! You truly understand and know what unconditional love means and is when you carry a child (or two) inside of you and when you see their little face for the first time. Also you can't be selfish anymore when you bring a kid into this world. You know, when you hear mothers talk about their kids and being ready to kill for them. The killing part is actually for real! I would definitely kill anyone who messes with my kids!

So back to the Prince Charming thing...I will tell you a story to prove my point that us woman, feminist or not still like these rare old fashioned romantic Prince Charming. 

The other night I went out with my sister and girlfriend. I took them to my favorite restaurant in Montréal. I've been talking to them about this place for a year now!  A place that is special for me as I usually go there with a very special friend. So that night we bumped into my special friend who was there on business. It was not planned, it was pure fluke that we were there the same evening. He came to say hello, I introduced him to my sister and girlfriend. He actually KISSED their hand, said a few charming words to them, and then asked us what we were drinking. We said we were looking at the wine menu and were undecided. He then said to us we needed bubbles, and in a finger snap, the waiter was next to us and he ordered the "bubbles". He ordered a nice bottle of Champagne not sparkling wine, but real Champagne and a very good one. My sister and girlfriend, were already impressed and thankful. He went back to his guests. The first thing that my sister and girlfriend said to me, was "he's so charming, nice and generous". Then they made comments on how cute he was, polite, "sharp" and smart. I just smiled as I know very well how special he is. 

Our evening went on, we ordered food and when we were waiting for our food, he came to say goodbye to us as he was taking his clients to the hockey game so they were in a rush. He chit chat a little more with us, wished us a nice evening and left. 

I sent him a text message to thank him for the Champagne and made a little joke about him being so charming, to impress my sister and girlfriend and how it worked, cause they were already in love with him! He then replied, "I have a special "app" that connects me to the restaurant so if you need anything special just let me know". I only asked him what else he suggested for me to eat.

So, we continued our chit chat among girls, we ordered more food, a bottle of a very good Spanish wine and when we were finished the waitress said to us, "if you want desserts or an after dinner drink, please go ahead and order whatever you want. Everything tonight is offered to you by Mr. Prince Charming".

My sister and girlfriend, were very surprised...in a good way! From surprised, they went to being thankful, and then impressed by his gesture. I know him well, so I was not really surprised. Did I expected it? No, for me just the fact that he offered us a bottle of Champagne was nice enough. My girlfriend said, "wow they don't make guys like him anymore". He was able to surprise in a very nice way 3 grown up independent women. His gesture was old fashioned, kind of romantic too. He was no "show off", or trying to impress us, he was simply being the way he always behave with people he cares for. 

My sister and girlfriend sent me a text message and a video to pass along to him, to personally thank him. The next day we were still taking about how nice the whole evening was and about his gesture. 

So yes, we women still like when a guy surprises us and acts like a Prince Charming. I don't think I know any of my female friends who would have been "offended" by his gesture. 

I definitely feel very privileged to have this Prince Charming in my life. Let's just say I see "la vie en rose" when he's around :) 

Do guys talk about sex among themselves?

A few weeks ago, I spoke on the phone for 4.5 hours. I can't believe it, but I did.  The last time I spoke with someone on the phone for hours it was probably when I was a teenager! And even then, I'm not sure!

I usually don't like talking on the phone.  I use the phone to confirm a dentist or doctor appointment, to call my kids just to say hi. To call my mom and see how she's doing. To call my sister on my way to work or home just to chit chat. When stocked in traffic, I do business calls. But 4.5 hours on the phone to end up talking about orgasms and specific details about sex, it was quite a call.

And this call was not with a man or on a sex line. Sex lines...are there any for women? I'm assuming that it's mostly guys who use sex lines. Sorry, no offense, but I think that us woman don't pay for sex on the phone!

And I'm not being a puritan, because of course I have had sex on the phone. A few times actually, and it was really fun. But it was with men I care about, not strangers, and I did not pay for it.

So my 4.5 hour call was with a girlfriend. 

So, we started talking about some plans we were supposed to have, and then we moved the conversation on to other topics, and before we knew we had been on the phone for a long time. We ended up talking about sex, about orgasms, about specific details on female orgasms and much more that I won’t disclose in here because it was something! 

OK, I must say that I'm very open minded and so are most of my close girlfriends, and we can talk about a lot of things without the judging, or comparing, or trying to show off. We simply talk. I also have some close girlfriends who are more reserved and do not like those kind of talks and that's OK too.  

So going back to my story, when talking for all those hours, at one point, we both started laughing and the question we asked ourselves was: do guys talk about specific details on sex with their male friends? My friend thinks that they do. 

Me on the other I don't think so. My theory is that if guys come to the sex subject with their male friends, they won't be discussing their orgasms, or the intensity of it, or the different kinds of orgasms. If there is a conversation, it will probably stay very general.

I might be wrong, but that is my theory or assumption. When I have talked about sex with male friends, lovers, husbands, I’ve always observed that men in general get somehow uncomfortable talking about it. On the other hand some guys, are good at writing about it to tease, to get our imaginations going, but I wonder if these guys would do the same little "games" when face to face with a woman...I think it’s always easier to type things and press “send”.

Once, I had a male friend who asked me questions about sex and wanted to know a few things of what we, women think. This guy is my age, and before he was able to ask me, I could see he was uncomfortable. I had to encourage him to let go and just ask the questions to me. I told him that he could ask me anything. No judgment, no making fun of him. All questions are good in my opinion, no matter what the subject is.

We ended up having a very interesting talk. At the end he told me that it was his first time ever having such an open discussion on sex with someone. So I asked him what about discussing with his male friends what we had just talked about. He gave me a funny look and then say, I would never have this kind of conversation with a guy! “You know, between guys it’s always about who has the most powerful... something LOL!" 

The forgotten generation...

Lately at work, I've been reading a lot on Millennials, Baby Boomers and people like me, Gen X. We were born in between 1965-1980, and from all the readings we are not "really that special". We are like the neglected "middle child" and we are being identified as the "forgotten generation".

Just because we are less in numbers than the Baby Boomers and the Millennials it doesn't mean we should feel like the "forgotten generation". 

When reading all the stuff around my generation, it's quite depressing - financially speaking, we have been too busy trying to avoid bankruptcy to notice our own transitions! If you think about it, not surprising...our kids are still living at home and we are also taking care of our parents. In the last decade income has stayed the same, while the cost of living has increased by more than 25%. 

Economics aside, I feel I grew up in amazing groovy times and I remember very clearly all of my transitions! 

I remember the 70's disco era with Saturday Night Fever. I remember listening to the record all over again, and singing and dancing on all the songs. The first time I kissed a boy we were listening to "How deep is your love".

And what about the 80's. I went from being a "punk" with short hair with orange tips on it, to having the crazy 80's hair, teased and with so much spray on it that it would take forever to untangle, but that was the point! 

What about the movies from the 80's that I really enjoyed such as the Breakfast Club, ET, Ferris Bueller's day off, Back to the Future, Star Wars, Ghosbusters, Karate kid, Indiana Jones, Dirty Dancing, Footloose, Rocky, Flashdance, Raging Bull, Scarface, Platoon, Rain Man, Les Uns et les autres and many more.

I grew up listening to bands  or artists such as The Eagles, Queen, ABBA, ACDC, Aerosmith, the Bee Gees, The Clash, Earth Wind & Fire, Kool & the Gang, Led Zeppelin, ZZ Top, Van Halen, Pink Floyd,  Genesis, Pat Benatar, Eric Clapton, Bon Jovi, U2, Gun'n Roses, The Cure, Kiss, The Clash, Depeche Mode, Dire Strait, The Police, Metallica, INXS, R.E.M., Simple Minds, Man without hats, The Cars, Michael Jackson, and MADONNA...finally a woman not afraid to speak her mind, act on her wants and needs and always reinventing herself through the 80's, 90's all the way up to now.

I remember traveling for the first time to an exotic destination...18 years old and going by myself to Acapulco, Mexico! Drinking shots of "Tequila bam bam" at the "Baby'O disco" and hearing for the first time "Like a Virgin". 

I remember at 19, going through my own rebellion or as I would prefer call it my emancipation phase. For about a year I went kind of wild, meaning going from a very quiet studious super good girl, to moving out of my parents’ house, working in bars, smoking my first joint, trying coke (I did not like it), trying acid, only once, cause I laughed so much, that my jaw hurt for a week! During that year, I met different kind of guys, had amazing experiences and found out more on who I really was. 

Being a good girl at heart, after a year of partying, I went back to a more disciplined life.

In the 80's is when I also found the passion for what I do for a living. When you think about it, people of my generation were the first to embrace change, and not have as an ambition to work in the same corporation forever. I moved around a lot, and I do not regret it as I learned so much on many industries, trends and people. Change in my mind has always been a good thing. 

At the end of that era is when I also met the father of my kids.
It’s also when I really learned to speak and write in English. Spanish being my mother tongue, French my adoption language when moving to Montreal in the mid-seventies, and then learning English in order to have “proper arguments” with my husband.

In the 90's is when I married, became a mother and a business woman. I also remember wearing a real mink coat and it was ok.  I remember singing with my kids’ songs from the Spice Girls, the Back Street boys and yes Barney the purple dinosaur! 

In the 90’s is when I also discovered my passion for travelling and interact with other cultures. I was always ready to take-off to discover new destinations. And having kids was not a problem, I took them (and I’m still taking them) on my foreign adventures.

In the year 2000 is when I had to take a pause, think of what really mattered to me and find myself (again) or as I prefer to call it “My reinvent myself phase” (like Madonna LOL). And from 2000 until now, I’ve been experiencing and living more intense, amazing, unique, delicious and great life experiences.

So for sure, growing up and through my adult life, lots of talk on the Baby Boomers "power" and now on the Millennials becoming more powerful, but hey I'm very happy to be a Gen X and have lots of groovy memories. 

For me the economic power is not what we should aim for, but rather having a life filled with amazing experiences and memories.

Like I tell my grown up kids now…for sure I won’t leave them a treasure box filled with gold or piles of money when I died, but I’m sure they will remember all of our amazing crazy times together, our trips to various parts of the world and all of our life experiences we’ve had the chance to cherish and live through as a family.

So economists and marketing people (like me) can call my generation the forgotten one, but I know I will never forget how great my life has been so far and will continue to be until I disappear.  

Me in the mid 80's

Relationships, age difference, men and I

I was born in 65. My parents are still together after 50 years of marriage and I can honestly say that they still love each other and most importantly respect each other. So I grew up in a loving, caring environment. My mom is a baby boomer and my dad from the silent generation.

Growing up, we had open discussions on every possible matter, especially with my mom. She is a wise mom and her advice was always welcome, and still is. My dad was the funny guy and I started having serious discussions with him in my thirties. He's an amazing listener and never judges. He's the most objective person I know on this planet!

If I compared my life with my mom's, we have lived very different paths. She met my dad when she was 13 and married him at 18. She has never kissed another men and today she still says that he is the love of her life. I truly admire them. For me it's so romantic, cute but at the same time surreal! 

I've been married a few times...lots of dating, relationships from serious, to mi-serious to really not serious you know, just for fun (sex). I'm the complete opposite of my mom but the funny thing is that we still share lots of the same values and beliefs.

I love men. I find them fascinating. The only thing, is that in my late thirties and early forties I had a real issue with guys my age or older. They were easily scared of relationships, analyzed way too much. Did not live in the moment. Lots had really bad relationships or experiences, so in their opinion women were all bad and could not be trusted. And in bed it was all about performing, not about playing, having fun, enjoying sex the way it’s supposed to be enjoyed! And the married ones in bad relationships, preferred to stay in unhealthy relationships because change is scaring. Really?  Way too boring and complicated for me. 

So yes, I've been called a cougar. I've dated mostly younger men since divorce #1 in my early 30's. Did not do it on purpose and never saw myself as a cougar or doing something wrong. My theory is that I attracted younger men, cause I'm direct, I know what I want, I can say what I like and don't like, I'm funny or crazy (depending who you ask), independent (yes I do not need a man to be happy or feel fulfilled), I live one day at the time, I’m passionate about life, and I just love and enjoy sex. And in those days, that was scary for guys my age :)

In my early forties, I married an amazing man, 15 years younger than me. We had an 8 year-long fantastic relationship! Why did it end? We just started to follow different paths. Was the age difference an issue? I tried to rationalize that the age difference was the "problem". But no, in the end, we did not have the same wants, needs and vision on how we should enjoy and live life. 

I don't know if I'm crazy or what, but even if he truly loved me for who I am, I decided it was time to move on, let him free and let me free as well. Life is too short to live with regrets and not pursue our dreams. The good part is that he lives in the moment and doesn't worry about the past or the future. He knows that life's goes on, and that many surprises will come his way. I can also say that we are friends and I'm sure our friendship will last forever. And as I told him and my family and friends, I’m truly thankful for the 8 wonderful years we had together. No regrets, only amazing memories.

So almost 50 and single...again! Honestly it feels great. I'm in no rush to settle down. I don't even know if I want to settle down! The funny thing is that people around me want to "match" me, find me Mr. Right. Actually this has happened to me every time I'm single. 

Why? I have never worried about being single. My mission in life isn't to "Must be in a relationship"! I can still remember when I got divorced from the father of my kids. I was 34 with 3 young kids under 5...I remember people, actually women telling me that my life was over. That I would never "find" a man who would be interested in having a "serious" relationship with me. 

Funny enough a few months after being single, I met a younger guy whose dream was to be with an older woman with kids. He was 8 years younger than me and we had a relationship that lasted a few years...and today we are still friends. 

So getting back to age, when I meet a guy and get interested, the age doesn't really matter. For me it's about the attitude and the confidence the guy showcases. And more importantly, for me it's all about the connection I feel. And by now, I know that those "deep" special connections do not happen often.

So now, I'm meeting guys again. I have recently, met guys my age, older or closer to my age and some have surprised me in a good way. I'm not dating yet, as I said I'm in no rush to get involved in a relationship. 

There is this one guy I recently met, who really took me by surprise. And yes he is over 50! The way he looked at me made me melt. He saw through me and that was freaking weird and exciting at the same time. I felt like a 15 year old and he really destabilized me! Nothing happened other than we talked, danced (it felt great to be in his arms). That evening, he left the party like Cinderella…I really hope to meet him again...The only "challenge" is that he lives 4,800 km away. Those who know me though, know that the distance is really not a challenge for me.

So here I am. Almost 50 and single. One thing I can tell you, is that I feel great about who I am and where I am in my life. I truly believe that amazing experiences will continue to be part of my life and right now it just feels delightful to meet amazing people when you least expect it!  

So I will continue to do what I do best…live life to its full potential, appreciate it, take moments to reflect on it, continue to be generous without expecting to get back, and be thankful for all it has given me so far and will continue to bring my way. 

And about guys and relationships, well...let's just say that I'm really enjoying being single.

Girls night out at the « Famous 281 Club » and my perspective on penises...30 years later!

For those of you who don’t know, Club 281 in Montréal, it’s a male stripper club. It was founded in 1980 and became a hit with women from Montreal and all over the country. Even Americans girls would visit the “famous” club. In those days it would be opened 7 days a week, and on weekends there were line-ups of women waiting to go see the “go go boys”, as they were called.

I was 19 years old the first time I set foot in Club 281. It was quite impressive to see all these guys, dancing on stage and taking their clothes off, and women going wild. Screaming, laughing, staring, and having them dance at their table for $5. The nice thing about going there was the fact that this place was only for women. You could go with your friends; go crazy and no annoying guy would bother you, like in the regular bars. Men were allowed in, only if accompanied by a woman. Still the same today.

This place was to have a good time among girlfriends, while looking at these gorgeous guys! And gorgeous they were, plus in my recollection they were all well-equipped, if you know what I mean! 

30 years later, we decided to go back there to celebrate one of the girls!  First thing, part of the experience that was completely different from the 80's : a guy in the entrance gave us a very serious speech on "The Rules", what we were allowed and not allowed to do in the club. We were not allowed to take pictures, use our phones to call or text. If we had to use our phones, he suggested to us to go to the washrooms or outside the club. Then he explained to us that we were not allowed to touch the guys. Do they really have to say that? What about the guys touching some of the girls in there :)

We went early, so we got a good table. Now, if you want to sit in front of the stage, it's an extra $80. The girls sitting around the stage were all between 15 and 19 years old and we guessed that they were spending their allowance money or their part time jobs salary! In 2015, dances at your table are $12 each or you can keep the guy dancing for 30 minutes for $80. We did not see a lot of girls having guys staying for 30 minutes, but it must happen. Now you can also take a picture with your favorite dancer for $12 with your own camera! And in this era, there is a cover charge, $8 on Thursdays and $13 on weekends and of course you still have to tip the guy who brings you to your table.

We ordered a bottle of bubbles, and we started to look around us. We saw all these cute guys walking around. Don’t get me wrong, they were cute, with nice bodies but then we looked at each other and we all agreed that they did not have the “testosterone” the guys had in the 80’s!

Times have changed, and what today’s girls find “hot”, for us it was a bunch of kids (some of them probably my son’s age), with nice gym bodies, others very slim, even one with the "lumberjack beard" but overall no testosterone like in the 80's! When they started dancing on the stage and taking their clothes off, more disappointment around the table. What!!! Small penises…except for one of the guys, who is a veteran at the club and over 40. He was the only guy with a big dick! But then we remembered that in the 80's some of the guys when going on the stage, used rubber bands around their penises, to make it half erect so it would look bigger! Still, we all agreed at our table that in the 80's and 90's the dancers at 281 had bigger penises.

At almost 50, we girls, are still talking about penises and size but in a very different way than when we were 18-20! I will make a statement : I have learned that size doesn’t really matter in bed if the guy knows what to do with it…Ok, let me rephrase this...size actually matters a little. Let me explain. If it’s too big, like super huge, you can’t do some positions cause it really hurts. But don't get me wrong, I still like big!  If it’s too too small and you don’t feel anything, that’s just awful!  If it’s just the right size, not to big, not too small, and you feel it good, it can give you great pleasure. But hey what is small, medium or large or the right size after all! The super large ones, easy to know, the other sizes, well it depends on every girl’s perspective! And after all, the penis during sex, is just one of many tools experienced men will use to please a woman.

A young girl at the club last night, said to one of us, that we have probably seen too many penises in our lives, that’s why we were “blasé” and not impressed…cause the 15-20 year old girls who were there screaming and staring at these cute boys last night, were definitely impressed!

So last night at Club 281, I realized that my perspective and expectations on penises has definitely changed over the last 30 years!