Relationships, age difference, men and I

I was born in 65. My parents are still together after 50 years of marriage and I can honestly say that they still love each other and most importantly respect each other. So I grew up in a loving, caring environment. My mom is a baby boomer and my dad from the silent generation.

Growing up, we had open discussions on every possible matter, especially with my mom. She is a wise mom and her advice was always welcome, and still is. My dad was the funny guy and I started having serious discussions with him in my thirties. He's an amazing listener and never judges. He's the most objective person I know on this planet!

If I compared my life with my mom's, we have lived very different paths. She met my dad when she was 13 and married him at 18. She has never kissed another men and today she still says that he is the love of her life. I truly admire them. For me it's so romantic, cute but at the same time surreal! 

I've been married a few times...lots of dating, relationships from serious, to mi-serious to really not serious you know, just for fun (sex). I'm the complete opposite of my mom but the funny thing is that we still share lots of the same values and beliefs.

I love men. I find them fascinating. The only thing, is that in my late thirties and early forties I had a real issue with guys my age or older. They were easily scared of relationships, analyzed way too much. Did not live in the moment. Lots had really bad relationships or experiences, so in their opinion women were all bad and could not be trusted. And in bed it was all about performing, not about playing, having fun, enjoying sex the way it’s supposed to be enjoyed! And the married ones in bad relationships, preferred to stay in unhealthy relationships because change is scaring. Really?  Way too boring and complicated for me. 

So yes, I've been called a cougar. I've dated mostly younger men since divorce #1 in my early 30's. Did not do it on purpose and never saw myself as a cougar or doing something wrong. My theory is that I attracted younger men, cause I'm direct, I know what I want, I can say what I like and don't like, I'm funny or crazy (depending who you ask), independent (yes I do not need a man to be happy or feel fulfilled), I live one day at the time, I’m passionate about life, and I just love and enjoy sex. And in those days, that was scary for guys my age :)

In my early forties, I married an amazing man, 15 years younger than me. We had an 8 year-long fantastic relationship! Why did it end? We just started to follow different paths. Was the age difference an issue? I tried to rationalize that the age difference was the "problem". But no, in the end, we did not have the same wants, needs and vision on how we should enjoy and live life. 

I don't know if I'm crazy or what, but even if he truly loved me for who I am, I decided it was time to move on, let him free and let me free as well. Life is too short to live with regrets and not pursue our dreams. The good part is that he lives in the moment and doesn't worry about the past or the future. He knows that life's goes on, and that many surprises will come his way. I can also say that we are friends and I'm sure our friendship will last forever. And as I told him and my family and friends, I’m truly thankful for the 8 wonderful years we had together. No regrets, only amazing memories.

So almost 50 and single...again! Honestly it feels great. I'm in no rush to settle down. I don't even know if I want to settle down! The funny thing is that people around me want to "match" me, find me Mr. Right. Actually this has happened to me every time I'm single. 

Why? I have never worried about being single. My mission in life isn't to "Must be in a relationship"! I can still remember when I got divorced from the father of my kids. I was 34 with 3 young kids under 5...I remember people, actually women telling me that my life was over. That I would never "find" a man who would be interested in having a "serious" relationship with me. 

Funny enough a few months after being single, I met a younger guy whose dream was to be with an older woman with kids. He was 8 years younger than me and we had a relationship that lasted a few years...and today we are still friends. 

So getting back to age, when I meet a guy and get interested, the age doesn't really matter. For me it's about the attitude and the confidence the guy showcases. And more importantly, for me it's all about the connection I feel. And by now, I know that those "deep" special connections do not happen often.

So now, I'm meeting guys again. I have recently, met guys my age, older or closer to my age and some have surprised me in a good way. I'm not dating yet, as I said I'm in no rush to get involved in a relationship. 

There is this one guy I recently met, who really took me by surprise. And yes he is over 50! The way he looked at me made me melt. He saw through me and that was freaking weird and exciting at the same time. I felt like a 15 year old and he really destabilized me! Nothing happened other than we talked, danced (it felt great to be in his arms). That evening, he left the party like Cinderella…I really hope to meet him again...The only "challenge" is that he lives 4,800 km away. Those who know me though, know that the distance is really not a challenge for me.

So here I am. Almost 50 and single. One thing I can tell you, is that I feel great about who I am and where I am in my life. I truly believe that amazing experiences will continue to be part of my life and right now it just feels delightful to meet amazing people when you least expect it!  

So I will continue to do what I do best…live life to its full potential, appreciate it, take moments to reflect on it, continue to be generous without expecting to get back, and be thankful for all it has given me so far and will continue to bring my way. 

And about guys and relationships, well...let's just say that I'm really enjoying being single.